Jay Nesbit

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Most of us make choices on autopilot. Clarifying your core values changes that — and makes the hard decisions far easier.

Think about a decision you’ve regretted. Maybe you took a job for the salary without thinking about what you’d be giving up. Maybe you said yes to something because it felt easier than saying no. Maybe you crossed a line you told yourself you never would.

Chances are, somewhere underneath that regret, there was a conflict between what you did and what you actually value. That gap — between how we live and what we believe — is where dissatisfaction takes root.

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” — Roy E. Disney

Values are the beliefs and standards that shape how you think and how you live. When you know yours clearly — and live by them — decisions that used to feel agonizing start to become obvious. You spend your time, energy, and money on things that actually matter to you. And you build the kind of inner compass that keeps you grounded even when outside pressures push you in other directions.

Here are some values that people commonly identify as central to their lives. As you read through them, notice which ones feel like they belong to you:

Financial independence

Freedom and independence

Learning and knowledge

Fun and adventure

Physical health and fitness

Family and relationships

Work and accomplishment

Honor, loyalty, dependability

Compassion and generosity

Gratitude and service

Live, laugh, love

Your most important four or five are your core values — the ones you should never waver on. It’s worth noting that we don’t really choose our core values; we clarify them. You can’t pick a value that sounds noble if it isn’t something you genuinely care about.

Try it now: a 3-step values alignment exercise

Set aside 10–15 minutes with your journal. Work through each step honestly — this isn’t about who you want to be, it’s about who you actually are right now.

1 – Name your core values

Using the list above as a starting point, write down the four or five values that feel most true to you. Then, for each one, write a sentence about how you currently express it in your daily life. For example: “Adventure — I try a new restaurant or trail at least once a month.”

2 – Spot the gaps

Now ask yourself: are there ways you behave that contradict these values? If patience is a core value, do you sometimes snap at the people closest to you? If family is central, are you regularly choosing work over them? Write it down without judgment — awareness is the goal, not guilt.

3 – Identify one new behavior

For each gap you found, brainstorm one small, concrete action you could take this week to better align with that value. Small shifts, practiced consistently, are what actually create change.

One concept worth carrying with you: watch out for what might be called “just-this-once” thinking. It sounds like: “I know I shouldn’t, but in this particular situation, just this once, it’s not a big deal.” It’s easy to rationalize. But crossing a moral line even once makes it easier to cross again. The short-term relief isn’t worth what it can cost you in the long run — in relationships, in reputation, in your own sense of self.

A good test: consider what you’d like people to say about your integrity when you’re not in the room. Then ask whether your actions today would earn those words.

Living with integrity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest when you fall short, owning it quickly, and getting back on course. That consistency — between what you believe and how you live — is what builds a life that feels genuinely yours.

Want to explore this further?

This post is drawn from chapter 9 of Rise Above the Rut — a practical guide to understanding yourself more deeply and building a life aligned with your purpose. Values are just one piece of the puzzle; the book walks you through the full picture.

Get the book →

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Self-understanding isn’t a luxury. It’s the foundation everything else is built on.

Most of us move through life reacting to other people, to circumstances, to the expectations placed on us, without ever stopping to ask a more fundamental question: Who am I, really, and what do I actually want?

That gap between who we are and how we’re living is where a lot of our frustration lives. The job you’ve stayed in too long. The habits you keep breaking. The decisions that feel right on paper but wrong in your gut. When your actions don’t align with your values, tension builds, and most people never trace it back to its source.

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” — Henry David Thoreau

Here’s something humbling: while most of us believe we know ourselves well, research suggests only 10 to 15% of people are genuinely self-aware. We’re busy, distracted, and looking inward can feel intimidating, especially if what’s down there isn’t what we expected.

The stories we tell ourselves

One of the biggest obstacles to self-understanding is the filters we see ourselves through, shaped by past experiences and things we were told growing up.

I’m not good enough. I always mess things up. That’s just who I am.

These aren’t truths. They’re stories. And part of this work is learning to tell the difference. When you start seeing those stories clearly, you stop living by someone else’s definition of success and start asking what actually matters to you.

Try it now: three questions worth sitting with

Find a quiet few minutes and write freely on one of these. No editing, no judging.

• How would you describe yourself as a kid? How much of that person still shows up today?
• What difficult thought or feeling keeps coming back, and have you ever asked what it’s trying to tell you?
• Is the life you’re living right now actually the one you would choose?

If one of these resonates, don’t rush past it. Come back to it tomorrow. The deepest answers rarely arrive all at once.

Want to go deeper?

This post is drawn from chapter 5 of Rise Above the Rut, a practical guide to breaking free from the patterns holding you back and building a life with more clarity and purpose.

View the book →

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Journaling isn’t about being a good writer. It’s about getting honest with yourself — and that changes everything.

Most of us carry a constant stream of thoughts, worries, and half-formed ideas around with us all day. We rarely stop to look at them clearly. Journaling is simply the practice of slowing down enough to write them out — and in doing so, finally seeing them.

It doesn’t need to be long. It doesn’t need to be eloquent. Even a few lines a day can help you spot the patterns in your thinking, understand what’s holding you back, and start moving toward who you actually want to be.

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” — Anne Frank

Research backs this up: regular journaling has been shown to strengthen immune function and help manage stress, anxiety, and depression. When you put your inner world on paper, your emotions become more manageable and your thoughts more organized. Over time, you start to understand yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way.

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Try it now: your first (or next) journal entry

You don’t need a beautiful notebook or the perfect moment. Grab whatever you have and give yourself 5 minutes.

1 – Choose your format

Pen and paper, a notes app, a document on your laptop — whatever feels least intimidating is the right choice. You can always switch later.

2 – Set a timer for 5 minutes

A short time limit removes the pressure. When it feels easy, gradually increase it. Consistency matters far more than duration.

3 – Pick one prompt and write freely

Don’t edit. Don’t judge. Just let it flow. Choose whichever of these feels most alive to you right now:

Do you feel happy with your life right now? What comes up?

What did you make progress on today, even something small?

Who or what do you most aspire to be — and why?

What worry have you been carrying that you haven’t spoken out loud?

4 – Anchor it to your routine

Morning coffee, evening wind-down, after dinner — pick a time you’re already alone with your thoughts and pair journaling with it.

Not sure what else to write about? Here are eight areas worth exploring over time:

• Your daily activities
• Things that bring you joy
• Your goals and next steps
• Your five-year vision
• Worries and fears
• Solutions to current problems
• Affirmations and encouragements
• What you’re grateful for

One tip that makes a real difference: if a prompt resonates, don’t rush past it. Sit with the same question over several days. Your best insights tend to arrive slowly, as your brain keeps working on a question even after you’ve closed the notebook.

Why writing a few lines a day might be the most powerful thing you do for yourself

This post is drawn from chapter 4 of Rise Above the Rut — a practical, step-by-step guide to breaking the patterns holding you back and building a life with more clarity and purpose. Journaling and mindfulness are just the beginning of the journey inside.

View the book →

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Most of us are on autopilot more than we realize. Here’s a simple mindfulness practice to help you break the cycle.

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Have you ever pressed an elevator button multiple times expecting it to arrive faster? Or checked your phone for messages one minute after the last time you checked? These small, mindless habits are more revealing than they seem — they’re signs that our thoughts are running us, rather than the other way around.

The good news: awareness is the first step to change. That’s the heart of mindfulness — not a mystical ritual, but a practical skill of paying deliberate attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as they happen.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” — C.G. Jung

When you learn to observe your inner world without judgment, you stop reacting on instinct and start responding with intention. You replace negative thought loops with constructive ones. You manage stress before it manages you. And over time, you build the kind of self-awareness that leads to a more fulfilling life.

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Try it now: a 5-minute mindfulness session

Set a timer for 5 minutes. Find a quiet spot, silence your phone, and work through these four steps.

1. Settle in

Take three slow, deep breaths. Notice the sounds, sights, and sensations around you. Let your mind clear.

2. Start with gratitude

Ask yourself: “What are three things I’m grateful for today?” They can be small — good weather, a decent cup of coffee. Write them down.

3. Check in with yourself

Pick one of these questions and sit with it. Write whatever comes up — no judgment, no editing.

What am I feeling right now?

What’s been occupying my thoughts today?

What surprised or frustrated me recently?

What would I do differently next time?

4. Keep it going

Commit to two 5-minute sessions this week. Increase the length gradually. The insights expand over time.

If your mind wanders during the session — totally normal. Jot the stray thought down, then return to your question. The goal isn’t a blank mind; it’s a focused one.

One more technique worth trying: mind sculpture. Before a situation you’re nervous about — a presentation, a difficult conversation — close your eyes and vividly imagine yourself handling it well. Engage all your senses. This mental rehearsal builds genuine confidence over time.

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Want to go deeper?

This post is drawn from chapter 3 of my book Rise Above the Rut — a practical guide to breaking free from the patterns holding you back and building a life with more purpose and clarity. The book walks you through a full 3-step process, with mindfulness as the essential foundation.

View the book →

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Why This Matters Now

For many people, religion has long been tied to morality.

It’s where we were taught right from wrong.
It’s where we learned about kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and humility.

But lately, something feels off.

Public conversations about religion don’t seem to focus much on those values anymore. Instead, they often center on identity, power, rules, and who is right versus who is wrong.

That shift is worth talking about.

Because if religion helped shape our moral foundation, it’s fair to ask whether it’s still doing that job today.

The Question We Can’t Dodge

What happened to the moral side of religion?

Not the rituals or the traditions.
Not the labels we wear or the identities we defend.

I’m talking about the moral core. The part that’s supposed to shape how we show up in the world. The part that nudges us toward kindness when it would be easier to look away. The part that asks us to treat people with dignity, even when we disagree.

At its best, religion was meant to guide behavior, not just belief. It wasn’t only about what to think. It was about how to live. How to speak. How to act when no one is watching.

Somewhere along the way, that part can feel eclipsed. Or maybe just harder to recognize beneath everything else.

Where Values Collide

At its best, religion has always pointed toward something meaningful.

Care for others.
Help those in need.
Show compassion.
Practice forgiveness.
Treat people with dignity.

Those ideas are not controversial. They show up across cultures and belief systems.

But somewhere along the way, the focus seems to have shifted.

In many cases, being “right” has started to matter more than being kind.
Belonging to the correct group has started to matter more than how we treat those outside of it.

And that raises a harder question.

How does someone who believes in a just and moral religion come to justify hatred toward others?

We still see anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim and anti-Christian beliefs expressed by people who also claim a strong religious identity. That tension is difficult to ignore.

If a belief system teaches compassion, how does it get filtered into exclusion?

History makes this even more uncomfortable.

During the time of Nazi Germany, many individuals identified as Christian. Churches existed. Religious language was often used.

And yet, one of the greatest moral failures in human history unfolded.

That doesn’t mean religion caused it.

But it does force us to pause.

If people can hold religious beliefs and still participate in, support, or ignore profound injustice, then belief alone is not enough to guarantee moral action.

Something else has to guide behavior.

And maybe that something is a steady return to basic human values. Empathy. Humility. The willingness to question ourselves when our beliefs start to justify harm.

Where This Gets Personal

I’ve spent a lot of time around people from different backgrounds, beliefs, and life situations.

Some are deeply religious.
Some are not religious at all.

And if I’m being honest, I’ve seen kindness, generosity, and moral courage show up in both places.

I’ve also seen judgment, exclusion, and certainty show up in both places.

That’s what makes this complicated.

Morality doesn’t seem to belong exclusively to religion.
And religion doesn’t seem to guarantee moral behavior.

That realization can feel uncomfortable, especially if you were raised to believe the two were inseparable.

Where I Stand

I approach this as a humanist.

That means I place a high value on reason, evidence, and thoughtful reflection. I believe morality grows out of how we treat each other in real life, not just what we claim to believe.

To me, morality is less about identity and more about behavior.

It shows up in everyday moments.

In how we speak to people.
In how we respond to those who are struggling.
In whether we choose understanding over judgment.

Religion can absolutely support those values. But it can also drift away from them when belief becomes more important than behavior

The Strongest Objection

A fair counterpoint is that religion still provides a moral framework for millions of people.

And that’s true.

Many religious communities do incredible work. They support families, care for the vulnerable, and bring people together around shared values.

But the question isn’t whether religion can promote morality.

It’s whether it consistently does.

And more importantly, what happens when it doesn’t?

Ignoring that question doesn’t protect morality.
It weakens it.

Kitchen Table Question

So here’s a question worth asking the next time you’re sitting around the table with thoughtful people:

Are we more focused on what we believe… or how we treat each other?

Because in the end, that answer may tell us more about our morality than anything we claim to believe.

Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©

Why This Matters Now

Turn on the news almost any day, and you will find conflict unfolding somewhere in the world. The countries change. The reasons shift. Leaders step forward to explain why this time; the war is necessary.

Even so, the outcome rarely changes.

Young soldiers step into danger. Families lose the people they love. Cities absorb the damage. Long after the headlines move on, the effects remain, often for decades.

At the same time, we study past wars in school and build memorials to honor those who were lost. Each generation tells itself the same promise: never again.

Still, conflict finds its way back.

In many ways, history resembles a storm that keeps circling the same coastline. It arrives under different names, yet it brings familiar destruction.

So where does that leave us?

It leads us to a difficult question.

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The Question We Can’t Dodge

So why do humans keep choosing war?

On one hand, humanity has made remarkable progress in medicine, science, and technology. We can communicate instantly across the globe. We solve problems that once seemed impossible.

And yet, when tensions rise between groups, our behavior can feel surprisingly primitive.

At our core, we still tend to think in tribal terms. We sort people into “us” and “them.” For most of human history, loyalty to your own group meant survival, while outsiders often signaled danger.

As a result, fear can quickly sharpen those divisions. Suspicion creeps in. Trust slips away. Before long, each side views the other as a threat.

It’s a bit like bringing a campfire into the living room. In the wild, that fire kept us alive. In the wrong setting, it can burn everything down.

Where Values Collide

War rarely begins because ordinary people wake up eager to fight.

Instead, it often takes shape through stories. Leaders and nations frame threats that must be confronted. They point to injustices that demand action. They describe enemies who cannot be trusted.

Sometimes those stories reflect real danger. Other times, they stretch the truth. And in certain cases, they serve an entirely different purpose.

History offers a clear pattern. Leaders under pressure at home have, at times, turned attention outward. By focusing on conflict abroad, they can pull a divided nation together. When people feel threatened, they rally. As a result, criticism softens and unity grows.

In that environment, a common enemy can become politically useful.

Where This Gets Personal

For most people, war unfolds at a distance.

They watch speeches, study maps, and read headlines. They hear arguments about strategy and national security.

What they rarely experience, however, is the human cost up close. They don’t walk through hospital wards filled with wounded soldiers. They don’t sit with families receiving devastating news. And only a few truly see the psychological weight many veterans carry long after the fighting ends.

Because of that distance, war can start to feel abstract. It can even sound strategic.

But step closer, and the picture changes.

Up close, it looks like tragedy.

Where I Stand

I come at this question from a humanist perspective.

At its core, modern humanism values reason, evidence, and critical thinking. It calls on us to make decisions grounded in facts and careful judgment, even when finding those facts takes patience and real effort, not fear, anger, or misinformation.

From that viewpoint, people can work through even complex problems by talking, listening, and cooperating.

War moves in the opposite direction.

When dialogue breaks down, conflict fills the space. Instead of patience and reasoning, force and destruction take over.

That contrast sits with me. If you believe thoughtful people can work together to improve the world, then war doesn’t just feel tragic. It feels like a failure of what we’re capable of at our best.

The Strongest Objection

Of course, a serious counterpoint deserves attention.

At times, nations have had to fight. History includes moments when leaders faced real aggression and chose to defend innocent people. We can’t ignore that reality without oversimplifying a complicated world.

The real challenge, then, is knowing the difference.

When does a war become tragically necessary? And when does it grow out of fear, pride, or political convenience?

That distinction is not always easy to see, but it matters more than anything.

Kitchen Table Question

Here is a question worth asking around the kitchen table.

If war brings so much destruction, why do societies still drift toward it so easily?

In most cases, conflict doesn’t begin with one dramatic decision. Instead, it builds through a series of smaller steps. Fear starts to spread. Anger begins to rise. Over time, both leaders and citizens shift how they see others, turning others into perceived enemies.

That process feels a lot like a snowball rolling downhill. At first, it seems small and manageable. Then it picks up speed until stopping it becomes far more difficult.

Where, then, can that momentum be slowed?

It often begins in the most ordinary places. Around kitchen tables, thoughtful people can pause, ask hard questions, and challenge the direction things are heading.

Because by the time it feels urgent, it’s usually too late to stop.

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