Jay Nesbit is The Pharmacist Wordsmith® and author of Life Well Lived Books©
Most of us make choices on autopilot. Clarifying your core values changes that — and makes the hard decisions far easier.
Think about a decision you’ve regretted. Maybe you took a job for the salary without thinking about what you’d be giving up. Maybe you said yes to something because it felt easier than saying no. Maybe you crossed a line you told yourself you never would.
Chances are, somewhere underneath that regret, there was a conflict between what you did and what you actually value. That gap — between how we live and what we believe — is where dissatisfaction takes root.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” — Roy E. Disney
Values are the beliefs and standards that shape how you think and how you live. When you know yours clearly — and live by them — decisions that used to feel agonizing start to become obvious. You spend your time, energy, and money on things that actually matter to you. And you build the kind of inner compass that keeps you grounded even when outside pressures push you in other directions.
Here are some values that people commonly identify as central to their lives. As you read through them, notice which ones feel like they belong to you:
Financial independence
Freedom and independence
Learning and knowledge
Fun and adventure
Physical health and fitness
Family and relationships
Work and accomplishment
Honor, loyalty, dependability
Compassion and generosity
Gratitude and service
Live, laugh, love
Your most important four or five are your core values — the ones you should never waver on. It’s worth noting that we don’t really choose our core values; we clarify them. You can’t pick a value that sounds noble if it isn’t something you genuinely care about.
Try it now: a 3-step values alignment exercise
Set aside 10–15 minutes with your journal. Work through each step honestly — this isn’t about who you want to be, it’s about who you actually are right now.
1 – Name your core values
Using the list above as a starting point, write down the four or five values that feel most true to you. Then, for each one, write a sentence about how you currently express it in your daily life. For example: “Adventure — I try a new restaurant or trail at least once a month.”
2 – Spot the gaps
Now ask yourself: are there ways you behave that contradict these values? If patience is a core value, do you sometimes snap at the people closest to you? If family is central, are you regularly choosing work over them? Write it down without judgment — awareness is the goal, not guilt.
3 – Identify one new behavior
For each gap you found, brainstorm one small, concrete action you could take this week to better align with that value. Small shifts, practiced consistently, are what actually create change.
One concept worth carrying with you: watch out for what might be called “just-this-once” thinking. It sounds like: “I know I shouldn’t, but in this particular situation, just this once, it’s not a big deal.” It’s easy to rationalize. But crossing a moral line even once makes it easier to cross again. The short-term relief isn’t worth what it can cost you in the long run — in relationships, in reputation, in your own sense of self.
A good test: consider what you’d like people to say about your integrity when you’re not in the room. Then ask whether your actions today would earn those words.
Living with integrity isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest when you fall short, owning it quickly, and getting back on course. That consistency — between what you believe and how you live — is what builds a life that feels genuinely yours.
Want to explore this further?
This post is drawn from chapter 9 of Rise Above the Rut — a practical guide to understanding yourself more deeply and building a life aligned with your purpose. Values are just one piece of the puzzle; the book walks you through the full picture.
